so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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