There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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