She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
