You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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