We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
