I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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