I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
