Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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