It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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