New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
