You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize