I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
