I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
