sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
