I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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