she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
