just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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