if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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