I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
