so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
