Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
