the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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