i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is my gift to your gina
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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