And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
