But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
