is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
