I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
