It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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