I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
