My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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