I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
