Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize