Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize