Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
