My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
