end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize