u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
false alarm. still invincible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
