The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
