Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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