I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
