were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just sucked dick on a ferry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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