the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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