the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
