I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
