just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize