I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
