Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
