I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
