would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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