Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
