4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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