I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
