Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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