did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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