I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize