OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
two words...techno handjob
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
