So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
