Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Your cock deserves a montage
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
