I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
