She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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