His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
