dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
