it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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