I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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