Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
