enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize