the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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